Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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