In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so let's talk penis.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize