Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
