I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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