I think i peed on brittanys purse
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
