she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would fuck him just for his dog
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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