you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
