woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
