i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
