I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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