Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
