My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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