So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize