But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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