i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
