My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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