just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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