oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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