I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
