My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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