your thong is hanging out like whoa
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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