All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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