i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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