i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
