i need an iv and a liver transplant
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
