drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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