It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
