Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
