??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
