Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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