I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
