How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
