every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
