I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
