So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
