His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
