The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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