she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
