Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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