I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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