I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
