I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
