We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
