I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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