we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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