apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
