My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
