I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
