someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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