Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
