i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
