If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
