Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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