I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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