fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
