My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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