my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
