Will you blow on my dice?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
