There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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