I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
