I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
