is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
