I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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