Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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