Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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