About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
