I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
