I can tuck mytits in my pants
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
