There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
