At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
wow bdsm is so cute
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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