Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
