you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
