The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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