dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
