Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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