The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
