I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
