At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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