My hand turned me down
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We left the knife in your bed.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
