I'm really into asian looking animals
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
