whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize