in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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