Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
