Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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