i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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