Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
