maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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