Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
