Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize