I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
