how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
